Empty My Hands

I think I'll let this message speak for itself...

(Empty My Hands is currently the Playlist choice for this blog.)

"Empty My Hands"

By Tenth Avenue North

I've got voices in my head 

And they are so strong
And I'm getting sick of this, oh Lord, how long
Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can't set free

But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You, with You Lord

These voices speak instead, what's right is wrong
And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find you brought me back to life

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh Lord, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You

Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need Your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

So won't you empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You

SDG

God is Faithful.

I think many would agree that there is not a stronger or more deliberate theme found throughout the Bible than the truth of God's faithfulness. As I begin to reflect on 2010, how He has provided for me, I continue to find myself in awe of how faithful He has been in every area of my life.

At the beginning of this semester, I made an effort to do something which pretty much changed my life and opened my eyes to a truth that was so blatant (yet, I obviously had such a hard time seeing it!). I decided that before I took any exam or test or quiz, I would bow my head and pray, thanking God for the knowledge that He had equipped with (I was finding rest while trusting in Him!). This took away so much fear and worry... it sounds like something I should have already known and been in the practice of doing, but I wasn't. I truly cannot put into words how much this taught me!

It's something so little... You're probably thinking, "Praying.. before a test?? Why would you worry about something so silly?" School is my weakness. It can create so much stress if I let it. But, I'm learning... God has given a peace in knowing that my best is good enough for Him, and therefore it should be good enough for me.

As you can probably imagine, the biggest thing that I became aware of was how faithful God was (and IS!). He cares about the smallest things in my life, things that seem so big to me. He knows EVERYTHING about us! ..our struggles, our worries, the things make us angry.

Now, after every test/quiz (or grade, for that matter), I never fail to say to myself, "GOD IS FAITHFUL!" I'm so thankful that He knows my every need - thankful that He is "intimately acquainted with all my ways" (Psalm 119:3). Feel free to leave a comment sharing how God's faithfulness has been evident in your life. All the more reason to bring Him glory! :)

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name be the glory because of Your love and faithfulness." ~ Psalm 115:1

"Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures." ~ Psalm 119:90

SDG

Restless No More

Welcome to the new and improved blog! Special thanks to Mia who so graciously came over and spent quite a bit of time teaching this not-so-educated blogger the ropes. ...And I will be the first to admit that it is now much more attractive!

Tomorrow will be a month since my last post. And here is your promised part two. =)

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~ Psalm 73:26

I don't find it ironic that no matter where I go, whether it's Sunday School, worship service, or small group, all of the above have presented a study on REST. I mentioned in my last post that stress has been a major component of my life lately. And even though God has opened my eyes to see the purpose in running this race, I continually find myself gasping for air in the ocean of my to-do list!

What's even more amazing is that God introduced this recurring theme into my life through an incredible music artist named Audrey Assad. She has a song titled "Restless" that spoke to my heart the minute the piano began playing through the speaker. She shares how entering God's rest is the only way we can find rest. To everyone's surprise, I'm sure, I was in tears by the end of song. I had realized that I was fighting against that rest. I began to understand that we are indeed restless til we rest in HIM! God knows how vulnerable I am when it comes to music. ;)

Isn't it wonderful that He doesn't leave us to run our race without rest? We are in great need of rest! Hebrews 4:9-11 says, "There remains then a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience."

In my Pastor's sermon, he made note of a very important point. This "Sabbath-rest," described in verse 9, is not just a rest for one single day of the week. It's a characterized rest -- a rest created by God that we have in Christ. We have peace as we rest in the sacrifice that Christ made for us. Because of His suffering, we are able to celebrate rest! In addition, the latter part of the excerpt stresses the correlation between obedience and rest. God has shown me over the past few months that when we obey Him, we are not only in His Will, but also in His rest! In fact, "spiritual rest brings the character of God" into our lives.

Sleepless nights dwelling over Precal tests or Anatomy exams have slowly decreased because of resting in God and knowing that He is faithful!

I encourage you to read Hebrews Chapter 4 for a full dose of God's rest. He never promised us that our race would be easy. In fact, he promised us trials, suffering, and tribulation (..obstacles, rocky areas, and steep inclines). But He also promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us as we run our race. The beautiful reality of it all is that as we rely on God's strength, He is glorified!!

Continue to press on as your run this race, fixing your eyes on our Sovereign Lord and taking refuge in Him who gives our life purpose!

SDG

Finding Purpose in the Race

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." ~ Psalm 73:25-28

I am officially half-way done with the fall semester! (Yay!) My life has been so crazy - and let's just say that stress levels have literally made their way OFF the scale. And as most of you know, I'm not one to deal with stress very easily...

Earlier in September, my best friend and I participated in a pro-life 5K race and had been training for it prior to the event. During my frequent runs, I found that they were an extremely helpful remedy to my stress issues. My humongous list of things to do would suddenly become irrelevant, and it was a wonderful thing! It was also during my runs that I was able to have the best conversations with the Lord!

He began to lay on my heart the question of WHY I was "running my race." I then began to ponder what purpose my life currently had, and whether or not I was bearing fruit that displayed it. I quickly realized the many passions that had taken over my life - school, events, future plans that I had been "day dreaming" about. Instantaneously, I was constantly letting earthly treasure sit on the throne of my heart.

It was during my quiet time a few weeks later that I read Psalm 73. What hit me the hardest was the verse, "...and earth has nothing I desire besides you."

The world offers numerous things that look so appealing to us. But God calls us to store up our treasures in Heaven, and not on earth. We are called to run this race in such a way as to win the prize. What prize are you seeking? This race can be extremely tiring, and it would be a complete waste if we did not have our eyes fixed on the right prize -- the only prize that will not fade away. God is who we should desire! Our eyes should be fixed on Him, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.

However, it's when we get tired that our gaze tends to fall downward. My next post will be about verse 26 - finding strength during this race. There's only one person that can offer us the strength we really need, and that is Christ!

"Run in such a way as to win the prize." ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24

SDG

Dying on the Inside

Have you ever thought about how many people love you? Sounds like a pretty weird question, right? I'm not talking about love as in the "feeling" - I mean the love that IS. The love that has no condition which defines its depth.

I shared in my last post how God is continuing to break my heart for the same things that break His. And I'll be honest, it has been a completely overwhelming and burdensome experience. But lately, the faces of those I come in contact with are not just faces anymore... as soon as my eyes meet theirs, compassion overflows in the depths of my heart. How many times do we overlook those who are dying inside? - because that is exactly what takes place in the hearts of unsaved souls. We are oblivious to what is going on in their life, and at times we could care less. Is this the love that Christ showed to sinners - mockers, thieves, murderers, tax collectors, prostitutes?

For some odd reason, my mind has convinced me that I have the right to judge these people. And guess what? It's wrong. JJ Heller's new single, "What Love Really Means" brought me to tears the first time I listened to it (thankfully, no one was in the car). But the song tells 3 stories of individuals whose lives are falling apart and we're told that these people have never experienced what love really is. I've got news for ya.. you pass at least 5 people who are experiencing this same sadness and loneliness - who are dying on the inside.

When we think about the love that Christ showed us on the cross - beaten, mocked, whipped, spit on, and killed FOR US - how could we be so selfish to keep it for ourselves? WHY ARE WE NOT GIVING IT AWAY? We are called to share Christ's love with people who are dying on the inside, those are craving a love that lasts, a love that is unconditional. They're crying, "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done, or what I will become. Who will love me for me? Cause NOBODY has shown me what love really means."

SDG

Buffalo - MISSION20TEN

Well, let’s just say that my senior summer has been absolutely AMAZING. During the week of July 3-10, I was able to take a trip with the Judson Student Youth Group to Buffalo, NY for a mission trip. I flew to Nashville, and then rode with them to Buffalo. My first flight was absolutely incredible!! The ride home was a bit more bumpy compared to the ride there, but, it was overall a positive first experience. (I officially LOVE flying!)

After a 15 ½-hour bus ride to Buffalo on Saturday (which started at 4:00 a.m.), we finally arrived at our first destination. For Fourth of July, we stayed at a ranch in Owego and visited a New York-famous ice cream shop before watching fireworks. It was quite the memorable holiday! We set off early Monday morning for our final destination: Buffalo! Thankfully, it was only three hours from where we were. Monday night consisted of World Changer’s “opening celebration” and worship. We also got to meet our crew that we would be working with all week long. (Churches from different states came to Buffalo and each was dispersed among the crews so that we could all get to know each other.) Tuesday was when the real work began! We would be getting up at 5:30 every morning, eating breakfast at 6, and heading out by 7.

It would only take about 24 hours before I would have my first “attitude check.” I had assumed this mission trip would not be as intense as others, since it was in the states and not another country. However, let’s start with our living conditions: We stayed in a pretty old and run-down high school that reminded me of a fire station. This high school also had absolutely no air conditioning. And did I mention that Buffalo would be experiencing a record high on the exact week we would be there? Yeah, it was awesome. In addition, our meals consisted of good ol’ cafeteria mystery food and the same thing for lunch every single day – melted ham sandwiches on the whitest bread I’d ever seen. Yum! As you can imagine, this was a bit more “intense” than I had expected. Because my expectations didn’t exactly meet reality, a sour and discontent spirit began to form in my heart. God quickly made that known to me, and I was able to fix it. I realized that my trip was even more of a mission trip than I thought it was going to be! How exciting!!

Our first day on the job was amazing. We would be re-doing a porch & staircase, restructuring columns, and giving the front of the house a fresh coat of paint. The owner of the home of our job site was Ms. Josephine, an older, single woman who pretty much lived on her front porch. Thankfully, her neighbors were willing to let her sit on theirs while hers was under construction. That week, I did a variety of jobs, including scraping paint, peeling up rotted boards, caulking, and painting (LOTS of painting!). And I loved every moment of it. Every day after lunch, we had “crew devos” which was led by one of our crew members and included reading from God’s Word, discussion, and prayer. I was amazed at how we were all able to get to know each other through this activity.

On Wednesday, the city of Buffalo had their annual “Buffalo Bash,” and World Changers was part of it! As a youth group, Judson students were able to make balloon animals for the kids there. Lots of evangelism took place, thanks to this ministry!

Thursday was pretty much my favorite day of the week. We all were able to sit and take a break every couple hours for a drink. On one of my breaks, I noticed some kids in the neighborhood riding bikes and goofing off. After introducing myself, they immediately stuck to me like glue! There were about five kids, all siblings, and were cute as could be! The youngest girl, two years old, would not stop talking and would not move from my lap. They were all quite intrigued by my camera as well (hence, the funny faces on the video). Earlier in the week, I had prayed that God would give me an opportunity to interact with kids, and He gave me exactly that! Their faces will always be engraved on my heart.

Last but not least, my uncle surprised us on Saturday, and took us to Niagara Falls!! It was absolutely beautiful… All I could think the entire time was “What an awesome God we serve!” So, I have officially seen one of the Seven Wonders of the World!

There are literally not enough words to explain the work that God did in my heart that week. Thursday night after worship, we had youth group devotions and my uncle (the youth pastor) encouraged us to share what God had taught/shown us that week – specifically the things that hinder us from serving him faithfully (the theme of the week was “UNHINDERED”). It was difficult for me to get the courage to share, but I did. During the past two weeks of being away from home, God revealed to me my lack of trust and dependency on Him, specifically in the area of giving Him control of my future. To be honest, I thought I had it all figured out. But to my surprise, God completely unraveled everything I thought I had organized.

As you can imagine, I am in need of LOTS of prayer. God is teaching me to wait on HIS timing and trust Him with the answers. …Where? When? How? They are all so overwhelming! But lately I’ve slowly realized that I’m not the one in control, and no matter how hard I try to plan and “schedule,” God’s Plan will always exceed mine.

In addition, the Lord is truly breaking my heart for the things that break His heart. Upon my return, I watched a movie with my family and was literally weeping after watching it. My heart was aching and mourning for the lost – for those who have no knowledge of the Truth and grace that comes through Christ Jesus. I literally feel like a different person.

It’s exciting to see how God is going to use all of this in my life later on down the road. My trip is summed up by Acts 1:8: “And you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ENDS OF THE EARTH."

SDG

VIDEO: COMING SOON!

For Such a Time as This

GRADUATION. Isn't that a scary term? For a lot of people, it's a time of never-ending celebration and parties. Don't get me wrong, it is for me too! But for some reason, during the last 2 months, I've had this "black cloud" in the background that has brought an odd sense of depression and sadness as well. It's like everything is coming to an end! ...I mean, seriously, I'm no longer in a grade!!! I've wanted so badly to be able to freeze time and re-live everything that has already taken place.

Recently, it finally occurred to me how much the Lord has equipped me over the past 12 years of my education. I have accomplished so much and I've grown closer to Him through it all. As much as I want to rewind and re-live every past year of my life, God has placed me in this season for a reason! Here's a "mind-opening" fact: life goes on and there's simply nothing we can do about it!

The reason I'm writing to you is to share a verse that the Lord has really put on my heart during this exciting season. Last month, I studied the book of Esther in my quiet time. In chapter 4, verse 14, Mordecai is encouraging Esther to be bold in order to save her people, the Jews. He says, "And who knows but that you have come into royal position FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS."

I don't think it's ironic that the Lord laid this book on my heart around the time of my graduation. Can you imagine if we viewed every moment of our lives as "such a time as this"? Too often, I find myself rushing through opportunities or looking for ways to make time fly. (It's no wonder I felt so depressed when I was finally graduating!) My point is, God has ordained every moment in our life for one single purpose: to glorify Him. Every day, he gives us those opportunities to serve others, and, in turn, serve Him. But we're all too busy to stop and think about how God would want us to use these minutes, seconds of our day.

Who knew that graduating could teach you so much? One final thought to share... Revive's latest song "Blink" gives so much insight into truly considering how precious time is...

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
WHAT IS IT I'VE DONE WITH MY LIFE?
It happens in a blink

What is it that we're using our lives for? God's Word tells us that we are not promised our next breath. God placed you in the current season of your life FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS! Are you making the most of every opportunity before it all slips away? How true it is that it's all gone as soon we look back! These past few months have engraved that verse in my heart, so that I might treasure the days God gives me here on earth.

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before You. Each man's life is but a breath." ~ Psalm 39:5

SDG

The Guard of My Heart

Entering the "teenage years" usually involves the mushy, gushy superficial relationships that take place between a guy and a girl who are "madly in love." ...As blunt as I may have put this, there's a lot of truth in it! Often, youth are so easily drawn to wanting that "security" and looking for it in a relationship.

Growing up, I was taught to guard my heart, and save it to give away to that one special person who will one day become my husband. Until then, I have chosen to wait on the Lord's timing and serve Him faithfully with my time through ministry. However, I have found this very difficult and am constantly being bombarded with the world's idea of 'love' and how to find it. It's very difficult to stand alone and walk the opposite direction that others are going. Before two weeks ago, I tried so hard to find Scripture that would help guard my mind and heart, in order to focus on the things that honor God. But I still couldn't find the key to COMPLETELY guarding it. I always thought that it was my job and I needed to try my best to do so.

About two weeks ago, our church coordinated a Father & Daughter tea that was meant to be a special evening for dads and their daughters. And it was indeed! The focus of the evening was on Proverbs 23:26. There was also a sharing time that took place towards the end, and none of the girls had shared... only dads. It was then that I felt the Lord laying it on my heart to speak...I just didn't know what to say! But I stood up anyway. I began sharing how my dad had given me my promise ring and what that entailed, explaining how he had kept many promises to me as well. Towards the end of my "speech," I got my dad's attention, looked him in the eye, and said, "Daddy, if I haven't told you, you completely have my heart. And when it comes time to give my heart to my husband, I won't be the one to give it away. You will." Short & sweet, huh? lol.

After that night, I realized the key to guarding my heart. - It isn't my job! When I give my heart to my father, I am giving him everything...meaning that if I truly mean it, I am giving him my purity. I am so thankful that God has ordained and given the responsibility to fathers to be Priest, Protector, and Provider of their families here on earth, just as God is. Philippians 4:7 says, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will GUARD your HEARTS and your MINDS in Christ Jesus." I find that peace of God when I give my heart to my father...a peace in knowing that my father knows what it is best for me and seeks the Lord's council in everything he does. ...A peace that comes only from God!

My prayer is that us, as young women AND young men, will give our hearts to our fathers.

"My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways." - Proverbs 23:26

SDG

An Answer

For the past four weeks now I have been working at Chick-Fil-A as a cashier/dining room hostess. ...And there is no way that words could ever describe how much I LOVE my job. It's kinda crazy to think that I'm actually being paid to serve others. After all, it's not Chick-fil-A I'm working for. My motive behind serving our guests (not customers!) is because Christ calls us to "serve wholeheartedly as working for the Lord and not men."

The other day as I was serving cust--guests--in the drive-thru, the woman who was next in line pulled up to the window. I greeted her with a smile and a warm welcome, and proceeded to give her the total. As she handed me her credit card, she asked, "Why are you so happy? Does your manager require you to be like this?" I had a very hard time coming up with an answer...my reply ended being, "Well, it's a new day, and that in itself brings me great joy." She was satisfied with my answer. This woman was not the first to ask me this. I've had various comments such as, "You are WAY too excited for this time of day" or "Were you trained to act like that? Do you really HAVE to or else you'll get in trouble?" (lol...I loved that one...)

1 Peter 3:15 says to "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the REASON for the hope that you have." I've always thought of this verse as being 'on guard,' ready to defend your faith. But don't you think that it might also mean being ready to give a reason for your joy that is found in Jesus Christ? After all, it is through His grace that we are able to be renewed daily, and only through Him that we even have life! I would like to come up with a quick, thought-provoking answer to give these people who ask about my happiness or, as they see it, my 'fulfilled' sort-of attitude. Third Day describes their overwhelming desire to show the world what love is, in their song "Ready." The chorus reads: "I want the world to turn because of love and mercy to find each of us, doing what we can to just believe. I want the world to know that YOU'RE the One who FILLS ME UP and GIVES ME HOPE and BRINGS ABOUT THIS CHANGE THAT'S IN ME." What a perfect picture of what our attitudes should look like involving those who are lost in sin, those who are in need of hope! If you can come up with an answer to give these people, leave it as a comment. Should it just be, "Jesus Christ" or "I have been blessed with a new day to serve Christ"? Maybe something along the lines of "My joy is found only through Christ's forgiveness"? ..but that's a little long and could leave them confused. I'm ready for some answers!!

SDG

Willing & Ready

Here we are already...almost 1/4 of the way through the year. Have you stuck to your New Year's resolutions?! Lately, I have been reflecting on the "resolutions" that I made back in January. My prayer was (and still is!) that God would give me more opportunities to build relationships at school, and somehow get one step closer to sharing the Gospel with them. Each day, I have made it my goal to be a light to those I meet and use St. John's River Community College as my mission field.

At the beginning of the semester, I was so excited about taking Anatomy & Physiology with my friend, Shannon. This was our second class together and I was looking forward to studying and spending that extra time with her. The first day of class came and we sat next to each other in the front row, like always. But that next week was a little different. As I walked into the classroom, there was a girl sitting in MY seat next to Shannon. She continued to sit in that seat for the classes that followed, and eventually it was too late to take it back. ..so I had to choose another seat. This not only made me very upset, but also disappointed because I wasn't sitting next to my friend. ..something I had looked forward to before the semester had even begun!

I could technically say it was by chance, but I'd be wrong. I came into class a week later and was forced to sit in the THIRD row back from the front of the class. I sat next to a girl who looked about my age and was also in my Composition I class the semester before. It was during that week that I was extremely upset (maybe even angry) about my situation. "How could that girl do that to me?? Does she not know that Shannon and I know each other?!" It was not until the following week that God began to open the eyes of my heart. I was completely avoiding an opportunity that God was giving me! ...in response to my own prayers!!! Lauren was my answered prayer. Recently, this has become even more evident. She went out of town and missed two days of class, and asked me if she could borrow my notes from the lectures. I gave them to her today and she was MORE than grateful. She couldn't believe how "hard" I worked at making sure the notes were as helpful as possible.

I am so excited to see what God has in store for me ...and for Lauren! God has changed the attitude of my heart in this situation. I was so blind that I couldn't even see the answer to my own prayer! I've learned that when we ask God for opportunities to witness to others, we must be willing...and READY! ..Ready for those opportunities, and ready to take action. I also didn't realize the opportunities that God might have for Shannon! God specifically chose those seats for me and Shannon..and for the other girls who would sit next to us!

"They will know we are Christians by our LOVE."

SDG

Blind Faith

The one year anniversary of my Grandfather's reunion with his Maker passed a couple of days ago. Looking back, I can see how much God had to teach me through my difficult and heart-breaking circumstances. This is a journal entry that I wrote shortly after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Be encouraged!!

Blind Faith
A journal entry written on August 8, 2008

As I sat in the car listening to my iPod, my thoughts raced as the Holy Spirit began to whisper words I did not understand at that moment. We were on our way to the Orlando Convention for home-schoolers. The long ride was beginning to drain every last ounce of enthusiasm I had for this greatly-needed vacation.
A few weeks before we were going to leave for Orlando, our friends from South Florida, the Coleman family, had sent us a CD that their daughter, Grace, had recorded. All of the songs on the album were just beautiful, and each one had their own special meaning. But one of them stood out among the rest. The title was, “I will Live Again.” Grace had written it for a friend of hers who’s friend had been diagnosed with cancer. The song talks about being “at the finish line” of life; knowing that when it comes our time to leave this earth, through Christ, we “live again!”…. “To die is gain!”
So as my iPod continued to play through the list of songs, I drifted it back to the song I had listened to at least 100 times already. It was the song Grace had written. Even though I had already listened to it so many other times in the past, this moment in the car was totally different. It was as if there was a specific reason that God wanted me to hear it…and, boy, was that the truth! As the song began to play, the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart. Every word that was sung had meaning. It was as if the Lord was telling me that this song was going to be used in my life some way. I felt as if He was preparing me for some future situation in my life that would take place. I was so confused and frustrated…and when it all boils down, I was scared. Scared of not knowing what was going to happen. But that wasn’t God’s point. His point and purpose was that I would trust in Him, that I would trust that He was (is) in control of the “un-seeable,” the unknown. Despite my doubts and fears, I continued to listen to the song, meditating on each and every line. I decided that I was going to apply this song to my life, even though I wasn’t sure of which area.
We finally arrived to our destination. The first few days were mainly relaxation. Friday was the first day of the convention, and also the day we got to see our grandparents from Fort Lauderdale. On Saturday, the convention continued. When it came time for us to meet up for lunch, my mom called me on my cell phone to let me know it was time to meet up with them. She sounded as if she had been crying, and the worst part was, she wouldn’t tell me why. Something was obviously wrong, and it was killing me that I couldn’t find out.
Finally, two days later, my mom and dad sat us down and told us the news I had been waiting for, for what seemed like days! My grandpa, in Tampa, had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was beginning to regret being so anxious to know what was going on. For those next few days, I acted as if nothing was wrong. I guess I just had a really hard time accepting and even comprehending the news our parents had given us. It felt like it was taking forever for it to sink in. The most dedicated, godly man I knew now had cancer. I just couldn’t understand it. I was truly terrified and heartbroken. I was lost.
It was not until about three months later that I had a huge breakdown, and, might I add, it was with someone I barely knew, but felt as if I had known them all my life...but it was obviously the Lord’s will! I think one of the reasons that I took it so hard was because I never really experienced one of my grandparents battle any type of sicknesses or health issue, at least at an age where I understood what was going on.
But then it finally occurred to me. The Holy Spirit began to open the eyes of my heart. Through Grace’s song, the Lord was preparing me during that car ride for what I would learn just a few days later! By remembering that song, there was an encouraging joy that never would have been there had I not listened to that song.
As I continue to persevere through this experience, the Lord is showing me so much. I am learning to trust God, knowing that He is control of every situation, no matter the outcome. What the Lord has been showing me is really summed up in two words: Blind Faith, trusting that God will never leave me in any struggle I may go through, and all I need to do is willingly grasp hold of His hand, without knowing what lies ahead. Usually this phrase is thought of as a bad thing...and it can be if used in the wrong way. However, it truly sums up what the Lord has been teaching me.
I have also learned through the car ride, that God uses every situation to strengthen and prepare us for future situations. All we have to do is listen and be aware of these experiences. He can use any type, big or small. It can even be something as simple as a car ride to Orlando!
My prayer is that God will use this situation to ultimately glorify Him, no matter what the outcome may be. I have chosen to trust God without knowing what lies ahead; I have chosen to follow His lead with “Blind Faith,” knowing that with the Hope my grandpa has in Christ, he will live again!


SDG

A Tribute to a True Friend

To All of my Brothers & Sisters in the Lord:

All my life I have been blessed with so many amazing friends...friends that have kept me from falling, friends that are there when I need a shoulder to cry on, friends that laugh even when something isn't funny, friends that I can tell absolutely anything to. God has never left me without a friend and has been gracious in carrying out His truth that "there IS a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

But it was not until recently that I realized what treasures my friends really are. It is when they are willing to deny themself in order to serve you that they truly prove what a friend they are. Christ displayed this attitude by washing the disciples' dirty feet. He was willing to get down and do the dirty work because He loved them.

A true friend encourages you when you screw up big time. A true friend only wants to keep you safe. A true friend is willing to admit that they're wrong and ask for forgiveness. A true friend isn't afraid to tell you what's on their mind. A true friend is willing to sit and listen, even when it's just "babbling."

Thanks for being there! ...thanks for being a true friend.

SDG

Letting Go of it All

Some of the most stressful and insecure moments in a teenager’s life occur when they have finally reached that cliff-hanging edge of graduating high school and not knowing where to go from there. As a youth on this “edge,” I have experienced time and time again the feeling of not knowing what exactly comes next. I’m constantly asking myself, “What choice would be best for my future? Am I positive that this is right? What if I’m making a mistake? Where do I go from here?”

Feelings of doubt, worry, and fear flooded my mind whenever I would think about colleges, getting my degree, finding work…for a while I spent many nights dwelling on them all. God had so much to show me! How could I be so ignorant? What in my right mind could cause me to think that I have control of my own future? Frequently, I’ve used the phrase, “It all depends on what the future holds.” …How quickly I had forgotten that the future is not some important figure that holds events to come. The future doesn’t hold them. I don’t hold them. God does – The Ruler of all Creation, Lord of Heaven and earth, the One who puts all things into motion.

I am so thankful to have learned that these important and life-changing times do not have to be ones of walking on eggshells. It is coming to that sweet surrender that we finally find peace in knowing that God holds the future in His hands. No decision we make will ultimately effect what God has in store. It is only when we seek His direction that we find the right steps to take.

In Tenth Avenue North’s song, “Let it Go,” they describe the life of those who truly let it go: “I've been holding on so tight. Look at these knuckles, they've gone white. I'm fighting for who I wanna be. I'm just trying to find security. But You say let it go, You say let it go. You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control. You say you will be everything I need. You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul. You say let it go.”

How can we truly and fully let go of that desire to control? We must come to the place of complete loss, giving it all to Him! Until we realize this, we will constantly find frustration and discouragement in our decisions and mistakes. In order for us to willingly grasp hold of His hand and trust Him with the future, our hands must first be free! This is the beautiful act of surrender --- letting go of it ALL.

SDG