Who am I to behold?

What a pleasant morning... I sit on my bed, still in my pajamas, finishing my quiet time. And then I feel the urge --- the uncontrolled, overwhelming, joy-filled urge to WRITE. I run to the dining room and grab my laptop --- the medium through which this urge is alleviated. I experience the brisk, swift movements of my fingers across the keyboard, one after another, leaping with joy. Here, in this place of serene satisfaction I behold with an unveiled face the glory of God.

I find myself in this same place as I gaze at the stars... my eyes involuntarily meet the dark, blissful sky -- one large body encircling the spectacular realm, complementing the radiant moon.
...in the embrace of mama's arms.
...seeing a Christmas tree lit in the window from the street.
...smelling the morning dew.
...sitting on the porch with the very words of God in front of my eyes.

"BEHOLD"... my eyes fill with tears as I think about such a place. Who am I to behold such glory? Who am I to look upon the glory of a God who has breathed stars into existence that I cannot even fathom with my unsophisticated mind?

BEHOLD. The Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world.
BEHOLD. The Savior of the world in a feeding trough.
BEHOLD. The man upon a cross, my sin upon His shoulders.

As I anticipate the season of Christmas, I set out on the traditional endeavor to prepare my heart for the celebration of our Savior --- to BEHOLD the glory of God. Should it be any different than other times of the year? No. But the specific beauty of God's glory is what is different. Daily, we see specific aspects, timely appointments, of beholding such beauty. In Scripture, kabod is the greek word that describes God's glory. "Heaviness." I yearn for this place. My heart grows heavy as I behold the splendor of God's glory. THE WHOLE EARTH IS FILLED WITH HIS GLORY.

Over 2000 years ago, God's glory became flesh:
The beauty of a soul in submission to God's perfect will. "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."
The beauty of a willing, servant-hearted carpenter leading a donkey from Nazareth to Bethlehem.
The beauty of a filled inn.
The beauty of the aroma of a stable.
The beauty of warm, sweating skin resting against wet, cold hay.
The beauty of an exhausted mother, tightly grasping the hand of an anxious father.
The beauty of angelic voices resounding in the fields of shepherds.
The beauty of blinded eyes beholding the glory of God filling the night sky.
The beauty of the Savior of the world, placed in a manger.

The setting is so simply, so lowly. But the glory of God filled that entire setting. Is this what we treasure? Does the splendor of the birth of our King cause our hearts to rejoice? Mary gathered ALL these things in her heart. She BEHELD the glory of God! This is the place of happiness, of rest, of comfort, of peace, of joy, of splendor. And guess what? THIS is what we were made for. We were created to give Him glory -- to reflect His glory.
Let our hearts become heavy, as we rejoice and BEHOLD the glory of God, and celebrate the incarnation of our Savior.


SDG

eucharisteo

Time is of the essence. It is a vapor that fills the air in a matter of seconds, and is gone the next. Time is a treasure that no one can seem to capture. Many pursue it, but lose sight of its key -- its purpose. We live in a sanctuary of time... and yet allow days - hours - minutes - seconds - to pass without any intention of savoring. There are many who search for ways to stop it. Others seek to fast forward -- to kill it -- in whatever way possible.

What is this key to treasuring time? How do we exercise the practice of living in the moment?
Eucharisteo: thanksgiving.
Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, received a challenge to write down one thousands things that she was thankful for...
          1. Morning shadows across the wood floors
          37. Windmills droning in day's last breeze
          119. Still warm cookies
          245. Bare toes in early light
... Ann writes that she "speaks [writes] God's graces into visibility." The more she looks for grace and writes down what she is thankful for, the more she sees God's hand in each moment.

Recognizing that each gift is part of His steadfast love and grace, is what causes us to treasure life -- to treasure time. Our life and focus is challenged to be seekers of beauty... seekers of grace. To find joy in the mundane! "Joy is the realist reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy."

I've taken this challenge to live fully - to be "happy in all these little things that God gives. Ridiculously happy..." I now have a book that is carried with me at all times, where I document God's graces in my life. This list of gifts that is being created allows me to think upon His goodness - and this pleases Him most! In my state of reflection, my soul is filled with a grateful heart, a heart of joy. There is nothing more profitable. ...and I am so undeserving of all of it.

Eucharisteo -- "And [Jesus] took the bread, gave thanks (eucharisteo), and broke it, and gave it to them." ...gave thanks. It has become my life song. "A dare to live fully." We are called to thank God in every moment - as Christ did, even to the point of death. Giving thanks in every moment allows us to dwell in joy, to eliminate a spirit of ingratitude and selfishness... to pursue a life of abandon... the life of Christ.

One more thought to chew on...
"Calm. Haste makes waste. Life is not an emergency. Life is brief and it is fleeting, but it is not an emergency. I pick up a coat and thank God for the arms that can do it. Emergencies are sudden, unexpected events - but is anything under the sun unexpected to God?... Stay calm, enter the moment, give thanks... And I can always gives because an all-powerful God has all these things - all things - always under control. I breathe deep and He preaches to me, soothing the time-frenzied soul with the grace river in whisper."

eucharisteo

SDG

Abiding in Perfect Love

"How deep the Father's love for us; how vast beyond all measure." What a peace we have in the love of our Savior. This week, I've been pondering the verses in 1 John, which describe "perfect love" - the love that casts out all fear. "...whoever abides in love abides in God, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." Casts. Out. All. Fear. A dear friend once said, "Of all sins, fear seems the most blatant, openly declaring, 'God, I don't trust you.'" How can I stand in the presence of my Savior, who loved me and gave His life for me, and yet still fear the circumstances of my life here on earth?

To abide in Him - abiding in His love - is to abide in His faithfulness... resting in the perfect love of my Savior. Treasuring is to have full confidence in His steadfast, enduring love -- allowing it to become the only thing that occupies my mind. In John Piper's Think, he presents the reader with a definition of loving God with all our mind -- referring to the commandment given in Matthew 22:37. "Loving God with all our mind means wholly engaging our thinking to do all it can to awaken and express the heartfelt fullness of treasuring God above all things."

I'm baffled by the reality that no matter how many times I fail to give God glory in every moment of my life, His faithfulness is enduring. He is faithful even when I am not. As humans, we don't like the idea of letting go. When our knuckles have gone white from holding on so tightly, God whispers, "Let it go. I want your burden." We're so uncomfortable with the idea of not having things to control. It's almost like free-falling. During the first couple seconds, we frantically look about us. But when we come to realize that our lives are in the palm of His hand, we breathe --- breathe in one huge sigh of beautiful relief. This state is the complete opposite of our default... which is why it's so discomforting at first.

But we rest in His perfect love (where there is no fear!). During my run the other night, the tears came flooding as I worried about the outcome of a physics test... I began thinking about how God was using this season of life... what I was supposed to learn during my "last stretch to the finish line" at St. John's. Memories brought me back to camp, and the discussions during lecture about "walking as Jesus did." Before we can walk as Jesus did, and "do what Jesus would do", we must first THINK as Jesus THOUGHT. ...this was key in my life at that moment, and it still is. "Thinking Christ's thoughts after Him." Christ's life had NO fear. The ultimate sacrifice for mankind desired the perfect will of His Father -- even to the point of death.

This perfect love is what causes us to be overwhelmed, and fall flat on our face before the cross. This perfect love causes an out-pour of our Father's love into the lives of others. Whom shall I fear? If God is for us, who can be against us? The things in our life that we allow fear to take over causes us to worship them. In Christ, there is no fear! ..Because His perfect love unites us with Him - our wonderful, merciful Savior. Let us allow our Savior to perfect us in that love!

SDG

the empty life.

the empty life. a life worth dying for. a theological paradox, perhaps.

lately i've realized a repetitive theme within my prayers... a desire to be broken. a desire to be brought back to that place of complete dependence on Christ. ...trying so helplessly to get to that place of brokenness --- the sense/state of being empty. why is it so difficult? why is it that the only times i've ever found complete satisfaction was when i was completely empty?

how do we get there? why is this required for the Christian life? this was my conclusion: the empty life is the fulfilled life. when we are broken, we are complete. we are satisfied and filled with Christ. the importance of being emptied is so that we can be filled with Christ, reaching the goal that He has set for us --- to become more like Him. it is in this state of surrender that we are completely, fully, relying on Him, and thus giving Him glory.

in order to reach this point of fulfillment, complete joy, we must be emptied of self. can it really be true? "an emptier, fuller life," as in the words of Ann Voskamp. this is not a state of lacking, though the word "empty" may insinuate. i find the concept difficult to grasp, even fathom. the fact that we must be empty in order to be complete, satisfied. --- a state of fulfillment. it is when we are empty -- emptied of self -- that we realize we are truly filled.

the empty life. a life worth dying for.

most of you know how much i treasure the illustration in john 12:24 --- the kernel of wheat. recently i learned the physical reasons behind this metaphor. a kernel of wheat is literally stripped of everything it once was in order to be transformed into bread. from grain -- to bread. i think many of us tend to overlook this process. here's a glimpse into the life a grain of wheat...

first, it is cut down, bundled, and hung out to dry.

it is threshed, beaten down, and trampled,
in order to break the grain away from the stalk.

next it is winnowed, or thrown in the air
to remove the chaff.

then it is shaken in a sieve
to sift out any remaining impurities.

it is ground to powder (flour) and used
to make bread.

we are commanded to be this kernel of wheat. to dye to self. the empty life is truly a life worth dying for. a life of dying to self. a life of giving up everything we've claimed as ours. we must be beaten, ripped from a life revolving around self, shaken, and sifted of impurities. but yet this life, is one that we should yearn for and desire above all things.

broken. emptied. fulfilled.

the empty life. the life of true, complete joy.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss...because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own... but that which comes through faith in Christ... that I may know Him.
                                                                                       - philippians 3:7-10

i'd love to hear thoughts on this idea i've been wrestling with... feel free to leave a comment after reading!

SDG

All I Have is Christ

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave.
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will.
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross.
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose.
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You.

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI), by Jordan Kauflin

...my theme song for the summer...
ALL I HAVE IS CHRIST. JESUS IS MY LIFE.

Stepping Out of the Wardrobe: Part 2

(scroll down for part 1!...)

"Stepping Out of the Wardrobe"

Part 2: Broken by the Lost

CAMP #6

Our next destination was Winston Salem, NC at Wake Forest University. We pulled onto campus to check in, climbed back in the vans to grab some dinner, and came back for an epic frisbee game in one of the quad fields. These are the moments we treasure together as staff! =)

Little did I know that this would be one of my most overwhelming weeks of camp. As stated in my last post, we have responsibilities as staff. I did registration as well as Evangelism Training/Debrief on "Witness Wednesdays." Encouraging the students and hearing their testimonies every week was truly an honor and blessing which taught me so much. Every week I would challenge the students during training to pray and ask God to break their hearts for the lost, realizing that the people they were going to talk to were not just faces, but faces that had "bound for hell" written across their forehead. This is the reality of where they're headed -- dying in their sin. I would continue by saying that this is something that breaks God's heart, therefore, as you desire the heart of God, pray and ask Him to break your heart for the things that break His.

It's one thing to say this every week - to get into a routine of saying the same thing and giving the same challenge. But as the students in North Carolina finished their practicum that day and boarded the bus, there were about 5 students who were in tears. I began talking to a few of them and asking what was wrong. They responded in brokenness --- they were filled with sorrow by those who had rejected the Gospel. Their hearts had truly been broken by the lost. I was so overwhelmed by seeing this challenge in action. It was difficult doing debrief with the students... I hadn't expected the experience to be so heavy on my heart. What an honor to see God working in the hearts of these students! The fact that I was able to be part of it was truly humbling. ...We serve a God Who is beyond anything we think we can do. The reality is that we are nothing without Him - He is the One working in our hearts, and out of that growing love for Him, we begin to desire the heart of God.

CAMP #7

Our last camp took anchor in Virginia Beach, VA at Regent University. I had my smallest group of the summer, consisting of 4 girls and they were all between fourteen and fifteen. The tiny size of our group allowed the girls to bond in a way that I hadn't seen all summer. They wanted to be with each other... it was beautiful seeing their desire to invest in their relationships and encourage one another throughout the week. My fondest memory with them has to be painting toenails before evangelism practicum. Nerves always tend to rise before going out, and I try to find ways to help them get their mind off worrying. Painting toenails was the perfect activity! Each of them began sharing how God was working in their heart, even before that week of camp. Again, it's moments like these where I realized the undeserved blessing of being a staffer. I'm overwhelmed by God's grace in giving me a role that I know I'm so unworthy of. But yet He uses me as His hands and feet anyway. What a humbling part to play as His instrument and vessel!

Now regardless of how much I've written at this point, unfortunately you're still in the dark about how any of it has to do with lampposts, battles, forest animals, and permanent winter snow --- the contents of a magical wardrobe! Coming home, I've quickly realized that this summer with Worldview Academy has been like stepping into Narnia. As child-like as this metaphor may sound, I caught a glimpse of eternity. Bonding with the body of Christ in such a way that each one of them felt like brothers and sisters was a beautiful thing to behold -- and experience. There were many, many tears at the airport as we all said our goodbyes. Being here at home has been difficult, and I wrestle with discontentment almost hourly (...glancing at my watch and still wondering where I should be according to the camp schedule... yea, that's bad.). Yet, I can still rest in knowing that these people are my family for eternity. What an honor it will be to worship at our King's feet in the presence of His people.

On July 22, our last camp in Virginia ended. Coming home has been an extremely difficult transition. But -- how sweet it is to know that He is always faithful! Many have asked me what my highlight of the summer was... this is absolutely impossible to articulate, because there isn't just one! This summer has not only been the best summer of my life but it has changed my life completely. Every week of camp had both its challenge and its joy -- both of which allowed me to realize how undeserving and inadequate I was for the job I had been given.

SDG

Stepping Out of the Wardrobe: Part 1

This will, by far, be the most difficult post I have yet to write. Due its longevity, I've chosen to divide it into 2 separate parts... in hopes that I won't bore you too much! There's just too much to write for one post. =)

"Stepping Out of the Wardrobe"

Part 1:  Sweet Surrender

CAMP #4

In the week following Mississippi, we made our way to Lakeland, FL (stopping at Pensacola beach on our way... LOVE the gulf coast!) where I was able to visit with my family for the weekend (Aaron and Kelly were campers that week). We also gained 3 other staffers who would be with us for the last four weeks of camp. My girls in Florida were a blast... there were many moments of laughter as well as inside jokes - which was comforting for me to see their relationships building on such a deep level. It's amazing how quickly bonds can grow over the course of only one week!

As a fun excursion over the weekend, leadership took us to downtown Disney and bought us tickets for Cirque du Soleil. It was truly breath-taking to see the incredible skills of each of the acrobats!

CAMP #5

My "home camp" - Berry College in Rome, GA - was our next stop. The memories from being a student at Berry for 4 years began flooding my mind as we drove around campus. I was thrilled to see how God would use our time we would spend at the same place He had done so much work in my own heart. Unfortunately, however, the excitement didn't last long. I had been told earlier in the summer that, as a staffer, there is always a point you reach known as the "crashing point" - where you hit the wall at the speed of light and fall flat on your face, certain that there's no hope of getting back up again... Week 5 was my crashing point. Not only was I sick, but I had been up later than usual with a couple of my students and wasn't able to get the rest that I needed. (Let's just say I was a complete disaster, and was failing miserably at trying to hide every bit of my sleep-deprivation and head cold.) On Tuesday, after making sure that my girls were on their way to lecture, I walked around the corner to find my staff director standing in eyesight. "I can't do this anymore," were the first words that came out of my mouth. At this point, there was no fighting tears. I was so overwhelmed and way past being tired. She quickly realized this and simply said, "I know... which is why you're going on a date this morning!" Minutes later, I jumped in the van and drove away with Sarah (a sweet friend who was also my small group leader in 2008).

During our date, there was very little communication on my part. It was truly one of the most refreshing points of my summer! We talked about how small group time had been going and how my girls were doing. I began sharing how God had been expounding on my theme verse for the summer - 1 Peter 4:11 - and my goal of relying on His strength and not my own. I began pouring out my desires to give as much as I had been giving all the other weeks of camp. I found it discouraging that I was lacking in strength and thus not as enthusiastic as I had been in weeks prior. We started discussing what it looks like to rely on God's strength. Sarah encouraged me with the idea of surrender --- admitting that I CAN'T do it; confessing that I am completely incapable and inadequate to serve my girls. That was it... I had reached my point of total loss - loss of emotions, strength, sanity, and endurance. My fault was in the source of my strength. It's so easy for us to say/set out to give God glory through relying on His strength. But it's another to actually follow through with it during those times that require it. After leaving Starbucks, we arrived back on campus. Brandon, our camp director, told me to take the next lecture all the way through evangelism to sleep and rest. As Brandon stepped out of the van, I completely lost it. I began crying and releasing all of my stress and worries of what I "wasn't able to do this week." My list went on and on. It killed me to not be with my girls for evangelism. Sarah gently reminded me of what we had been talking about just moments before --- "You aren't the one doing all that!" If I truly believed that it was through God's strength and His own work that I was serving my girls, I would be resting in knowing that He IS using me (even in the times that I don't feel used). It was so comforting to be able to lay everything down at the feet of the cross. There, I relished in God's grace... That spirit of brokenness and surrender allowed me to rest completely in God's sufficient and infinite grace. What a beautiful place to be --- in the arms of Jesus, after He has picked you up off the floor, and said, "I know you can't do this. That's why I'm the One working through you!"

SDG

Click here for "Stepping Out of the Wardrobe: Part 2"

Reflecting on His Faithfulness

Greetings from Jackson, Mississippi! Clearly it has been much more difficult to write than I thought it would be... but my time with the Worldview family has been an immense blessing. Unfortunately, the reason why I have found time to blog is a bit disappointing... This weekend I came down with a flu of some sort and am recovering in a bed at the moment. As frustrating as it may be, I know that God is faithful.

I'd like to fill you guys in on as much as I can, so we'll start with staff training!...

STAFF TRAINING

Week 1 consisted of role preparation (as a staff member), getting to know our coast team (Southeast), and lots of prayer for the weeks to come. As we pulled into Oklahoma Wesleyan's campus, I stepped off the van and was overwhelmed by the first glance - I was looking into the faces of those who I would be serving alongside this summer. ..I felt so undeserving! It was during that moment that I realized how much of an impact the Worldview Academy team would have on students all across America. What a grace it is to be part of the ministry!
The list of things that had to be done was quite large and it was awesome seeing everyone work together, and having the honor of being apart of it. As staff training progressed, the Lord gave me a clear focus for the job I was given and helped me prepare for the weeks ahead. Brandon Booth, our camp director, gave a lecture on Wednesday morning on the book of Galatians... it pretty much wrapped up what I had been feeling days before -- the fact that I am completely inadequate to do a job like this. It's only by God's grace that I am able to serve with Worldview Academy. My strength will get me no where. During a typical week of camp, the students go out witnessing on Wednesday. As staff, we were able to have our own Evangelism Practicum in downtown Bartlesville. I'm thankful we were given the opportunity, since our role at camp is mainly watching over the students during the time of evangelism.
Friday morning our week came to a close. Saying goodbye to the other teams was extremely difficult and included many tears... but we knew that those farewells were necessary and the excitement of getting to do the work of His kingdom in other places was truly overwhelming.

Over the weekend, it was a little different for our team. The West and Northeast teams were on the road to their first camp, but our Southeast team stayed put... Our first camp was at Oklahoma Wesleyan so we had the weekend to relax and prepare. On Friday evening we had a picnic at a nearby lake and played some Ultimate Frisbee. It was awesome getting to know everyone a little better... in fact, our bonding happened extremely fast and it was so encouraging to see the bond each of us had through Christ. Saturday night, the vice president of Oklahoma Wesleyan graciously invited us over to his house to have dinner with his family. It was absolutely beautiful and being in a home was truly refreshing!

CAMP #1

"WELCOME TO THE BEST WEEK OF YOUR LIFE!!" ...this greeting is found in the front of every student notebook and it is our job as staff to fulfill this challenging promise. Each of us receive jobs at the beginning of the summer, and my job is registration! This entails checking students in, assigning color teams, and making their first 2 minutes of "intro to camp" absolutely amazing! ...what an honor!!

After meeting my girls that afternoon, I was SO excited for what God had in store. I had a group of 5 seventeen-year-old girls, which is relatively small compared to a normal camp. Throughout the week, our small group/t-times were filled with lots of deep discussion and great questions. It was evident that each of them were growing in the Lord and desired more of what they were learning. My one-on-ones were also incredible and treasured blessings... during that time I was able to get to know each of them on a deeper level and understand how I can pray for them specifically. Listening to what each of them were going through during that point in their life was encouraging. In fact, I noticed a recurring theme - trusting, desiring, and waiting patiently for God's will! What a blessing to be able to relate to them in this way.

CAMP #2
Van ride #1!! I can confidently say that this is where most of staff bonding takes place -- as Brandon says, "Camp doesn't end until your back side hits the seat of that van." We were Texas-bound and ready for our second week of camp... little did I know this would be a bit more challenging. My staff director, Leah, informed me that I would have intern... This basically means that someone would be co-leading our small group alongside me, watching my every move -- giving me the opportunity to empower them as staff. My thoughts of feeling inadequate jumped from a 9 to a 99 (way off the scale). It took an entire van ride for Leah to convince me that I was ready for this, even during the second week of camp. But, God is faithful and it was evident that the Holy Spirit was graciously working through me.
Our small group size doubled (with a camp consisting of 182 students) ..we were given 10 thirteen and fourteen-year-old girls. There were many huge transitions! ... an intern, doubled small group size, opposite age-group, and a massive camp. Let's just say I was feeling a bit overwhelmed here at Baylor University. God had so much to teach me: i AM incapable of serving these girls. i AM incapable of changing their lives. i AM incapable of loving them. It is only through CHRIST's steadfast love and mercy that I am able to do all of the above. One of the girls in my small group came to me during the second night of camp and poured every ounce of her precious heart on my lap. She was experiencing an immense amount of homesickness and I was overwhelmed by her willingness to be so open. For reasons I cannot express, my heart began to break as hers did the same. It was at this point that I didn't know what else to do besides pray - running to the Lord with our struggles and broken hearts. She came to me the next morning and explained that she had not slept that well in months - "It was so peaceful and I feel so rested!" Every night after that we went to the Lord in prayer, asking for sweet sleep. It was during those prayers that I was brought to the feet of Jesus - "You are strong when you feel weak, In your brokenness complete." Praise God, for His grace is truly sufficient.

CAMP #3
After the Baylor camp, we hit the road for 2 hours and stopped at the Craggett home in Dallas, TX. I was once again refreshed by the atmosphere of a home and a family - lots of jumping on the trampoline, swinging, catching grasshoppers with little ones, and some good ol' Texas barbeque. Who would have thought that the feeling of REAL carpet under your feet would be so amazing?? lol. Hanging out on the back porch with the staff was a beautiful picture of the Family of Christ - from different places, different backgrounds, with one purpose: to bring glory to God through serving Him and fulfilling His great commission.
Saturday morning opened with prayer as we jumped in the vans for a 7-hour trip. We're excited to see how God will work in Mississippi. Though this past weekend has had its battles, I know that God's plan is bigger than mine and the entirety of His beautiful picture is unseen to my eyes. Please pray that I will rest in knowing that in my weakness God IS glorified. May God's grace rest in your hearts and may the hope of His precious Gospel pour from that same place into the hearts of others.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1

SDG

Click here for a continued glimpse of my summer.

Joyful Beginnings!

...yes, this all fit in my suitcase (with a little strategy of course).

And the excitement begins!! I will be departing at 7:35 AM from the Jacksonville airport tomorrow morning. =) Oklahoma, here I come!

Pursuing Excellence -- Not Perfection

If any of you know me well, you would, unfortunately, be quick to describe me as a "perfectionist"... one who does everything in her power to maintain 100% accuracy in all areas. Pretty extreme, but true. Although this can be a positive attribute at times, lately I've realized the negative effects that it is capable of having on my life and mind. Let's just say that this semester I didn't meet my own "personal standards" for academic success. =) lol.

The Lord graciously showed me that my eyes weren't fixed on the right standards... I was simply striving to meet complete perfection (..which is "simply" impossible), rather than giving God my best. ..striving to satisfy self, rather than bringing glory to God! The answer came as I read Philippians 1:9-11:

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and in depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is excellent and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

My life was revolving around pursuing perfection, rather than EXCELLENCE. As some of you know, I will be leaving for 8 weeks to staff full-time with Worldview Academy. This verse, along with 1 Peter 4:11 have become my theme verses that I will carry close to my heart and treasure throughout the challenges I will face --- reminding me of the goal my eyes should be fixed on:  bringing glory to the One who is worthy of all praise and honor!

As mentioned earlier, God has graciously given me the opportunity to serve as a staff member with an organization called Worldview Academy. Worldview Academy is a leadership camp that encourages students to own a Biblical worldview, training them to become “leaders in grace and in Truth.” Throughout the week, students gain an understanding of servant leadership, learn about apologetics/evangelism, and critically analyze other worldviews while lining it up with the Truth of God’s Word. As a staff member, I will be pouring my life into girls between the ages of 13 and 16 years old. I cannot express to you my joy and excitement of being able to serve the Lord with my summer! Here is where I'll be traveling...

Staff Training              Bartlesville, OK            Oklahoma Wesleyan University

Camp #1                      Bartlesville, OK           Oklahoma Wesleyan University

Camp #2                      Waco, TX                    Baylor University

Camp #3                      Jackson, MS               Belhaven University

Camp #4                      Lakeland, FL               Southeastern University

Camp #5                      Rome, GA                   Berry College

Camp #6                      Winston-Salem, NC    Wake Forest University

Camp #7                      Virginia Beach, VA     Regent University

All of my updates will be found on this website! If you are interested in receiving e-mail updates, simply type your address into the space provided at the top of the page. Your prayers are treasured during this exciting adventure I'll be embarking on this summer!

In the pursuit of excellence...

SDG

Falling.

What a refreshing month it has been! It began with our 3rd annual retreat at Lakeside, which was, as always, filled with fellowship and greatly-needed relaxation... and yesterday, being Valentine's Day (or Single Awareness Day, which ever you prefer), I received many sweet cards and gifts from my dear friends that the Lord has so graciously blessed me with.

In my last post, I ended with the idea of preparing for the next season -- and what that looked like. With this in mind, I'm going to attempt to combine these two events that have made a big impact on both my life and thought-process lately...

The central theme for our retreat this year was "Building Strongholds," and we had the pleasure of having Steve Demme speak (for all you home schoolers out there!). During one of the sessions, I found myself glancing back through my notes and noticing a pattern of one-particular reoccurring "idea." He continually referenced back to John 12:24... "Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." He explained that in literally every area of life, we must be that  dying seed -- one who is willing to die to one's own desires and serve someone else. We are called to be this dying seed no matter what season of life we are in. It applies to honoring our parents, loving our siblings, showing kindness to our enemies, and serving our spouse.

A couple years ago, I painted a canvas with this Scripture verse on it and hung it on my wall. Coming home from the retreat, I will never look at the same way. It has so much more meaning in my life. In addition to this new "outlook," I have added a new characteristic to diligently pursue during my precious season! --- the falling process. As many will notice, dying is usually not a fast (or easy) process, especially for a kernel of wheat! And unless that seed dies, it cannot produce more seeds. Christ calls us to deny ourselves, pick up our cross daily and follow Him. As I seek to become more like Christ, I know that it will involve the denial of myself (my wants, desires, and needs). But as I continue to pursue this attribute of humility, I know that it will also be beneficial, years down the road, for marriage -- "Greater love has no one than this:  that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). In fact, I've heard it said that marriage IS that picture of wheat... the giving of yourself in order to serve another person. Praise God for this beautiful picture He so clearly illustrates!

~ John 12:24 ~

                        ...embrace falling.

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Savoring the Season

This is officially the first post of 2011... you will all have to excuse my extreme delay!  It's taken me forever to actually sit down and just write.  But, God has certainly placed a lot on my mind during the course of the last two months.

Have you ever asked for something and were completely thrown off guard when God decides to answer your request almost immediately (He is so faithful!!)?  That was me at the beginning of this new year!

If you remember, my goal for 2010 was to be a light to those around me, not only being willing to be used by God, but also ready for those opportunities when they are given... specifically, using St. John's (now a STATE College by the way) as my mission field.  For 2011, I prayed and asked God to give me a peaceful and content heart for the new year.  In recent weeks, I was constantly finding myself wishing I was in a different phase of my life... at times, I felt like dropping everything... asking myself, "Is there really a purpose in waiting??  I want to get married.  I want to start a family. I'm tired of school and am ready for something new."  Clearly, my heart needed a lot of work, and the Lord was so gracious to patiently show me where I went wrong.  I began to pray and ask Him why I had let my thoughts go so far... was I not busy enough?  I've always heard that the season of singleness is to be used for ministry... do I need to find other ways to be busy serving the Lord?

That was indeed my answer!  At that point, I prayed that the Lord would open my eyes to needs that needed to be met.  I wanted to find myself doing anything and everything, so that I didn't have time to dwell on the discontentment of my selfish heart.  It was probably within a week that my prayers were quickly answered!  Adding to my 3 classes and work, I have now started helping with a Bible study that targets middle/high school girls.  The Lord also laid on my heart a family who just recently had their third baby, and I am now going to their house once a week to be an extra hand with whatever they may need (super excited about this one!).  In addition, some moms at Lakeside have put together a girls' group which is focused around preparing to be a mother and wife (things like cooking, family worship, laundry, and many other wonderful things. :)  And as the cherry on top, I will begin to go through the book by Sarah Mally, Before You Meet Prince Charming, with Kelly in the coming weeks.

As you can see, my life suddenly got a LOT busier all within the blink of an eye... but I am so thankful!  Everything on this "list" is a blessing from the Lord, because I most likely wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for this beautiful season that I am in right now -- the season of singleness!  I originally felt like quite the fool for thinking/wishing of such things!  ...but God quickly pointed out that He designed me that way -- to be a mother and wife -- and it is indeed quite normal to have such a strong desire.  But, He has placed me in this season for a reason, and it is my choice whether I use it to please myself or to serve Him.

To close, I'd like to share a little story that my dear friend, Marilyn Coleman, always reminds us girls about...  Our life is like a garden.  When God created our garden, we started out as a patch of dirt!  Until this garden can bring forth its harvest, it must be prepared, tilled, and plowed.  If one is too quick to scatter the seeds, then the garden will not bring forth its best crops.  But, if it is carefully prepared, the blessings will be bountiful!  As a young woman, I am in this season of preparation... and I pray daily that God would give me a desire to be used by Him during this beautiful season of my life!  May those who are in this same season seek to do the same, as our gracious Lord continues to make us more like Him.

"For everything there is a season..."  ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

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