Falling.

What a refreshing month it has been! It began with our 3rd annual retreat at Lakeside, which was, as always, filled with fellowship and greatly-needed relaxation... and yesterday, being Valentine's Day (or Single Awareness Day, which ever you prefer), I received many sweet cards and gifts from my dear friends that the Lord has so graciously blessed me with.

In my last post, I ended with the idea of preparing for the next season -- and what that looked like. With this in mind, I'm going to attempt to combine these two events that have made a big impact on both my life and thought-process lately...

The central theme for our retreat this year was "Building Strongholds," and we had the pleasure of having Steve Demme speak (for all you home schoolers out there!). During one of the sessions, I found myself glancing back through my notes and noticing a pattern of one-particular reoccurring "idea." He continually referenced back to John 12:24... "Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." He explained that in literally every area of life, we must be that  dying seed -- one who is willing to die to one's own desires and serve someone else. We are called to be this dying seed no matter what season of life we are in. It applies to honoring our parents, loving our siblings, showing kindness to our enemies, and serving our spouse.

A couple years ago, I painted a canvas with this Scripture verse on it and hung it on my wall. Coming home from the retreat, I will never look at the same way. It has so much more meaning in my life. In addition to this new "outlook," I have added a new characteristic to diligently pursue during my precious season! --- the falling process. As many will notice, dying is usually not a fast (or easy) process, especially for a kernel of wheat! And unless that seed dies, it cannot produce more seeds. Christ calls us to deny ourselves, pick up our cross daily and follow Him. As I seek to become more like Christ, I know that it will involve the denial of myself (my wants, desires, and needs). But as I continue to pursue this attribute of humility, I know that it will also be beneficial, years down the road, for marriage -- "Greater love has no one than this:  that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). In fact, I've heard it said that marriage IS that picture of wheat... the giving of yourself in order to serve another person. Praise God for this beautiful picture He so clearly illustrates!

~ John 12:24 ~

                        ...embrace falling.

SDG

Savoring the Season

This is officially the first post of 2011... you will all have to excuse my extreme delay!  It's taken me forever to actually sit down and just write.  But, God has certainly placed a lot on my mind during the course of the last two months.

Have you ever asked for something and were completely thrown off guard when God decides to answer your request almost immediately (He is so faithful!!)?  That was me at the beginning of this new year!

If you remember, my goal for 2010 was to be a light to those around me, not only being willing to be used by God, but also ready for those opportunities when they are given... specifically, using St. John's (now a STATE College by the way) as my mission field.  For 2011, I prayed and asked God to give me a peaceful and content heart for the new year.  In recent weeks, I was constantly finding myself wishing I was in a different phase of my life... at times, I felt like dropping everything... asking myself, "Is there really a purpose in waiting??  I want to get married.  I want to start a family. I'm tired of school and am ready for something new."  Clearly, my heart needed a lot of work, and the Lord was so gracious to patiently show me where I went wrong.  I began to pray and ask Him why I had let my thoughts go so far... was I not busy enough?  I've always heard that the season of singleness is to be used for ministry... do I need to find other ways to be busy serving the Lord?

That was indeed my answer!  At that point, I prayed that the Lord would open my eyes to needs that needed to be met.  I wanted to find myself doing anything and everything, so that I didn't have time to dwell on the discontentment of my selfish heart.  It was probably within a week that my prayers were quickly answered!  Adding to my 3 classes and work, I have now started helping with a Bible study that targets middle/high school girls.  The Lord also laid on my heart a family who just recently had their third baby, and I am now going to their house once a week to be an extra hand with whatever they may need (super excited about this one!).  In addition, some moms at Lakeside have put together a girls' group which is focused around preparing to be a mother and wife (things like cooking, family worship, laundry, and many other wonderful things. :)  And as the cherry on top, I will begin to go through the book by Sarah Mally, Before You Meet Prince Charming, with Kelly in the coming weeks.

As you can see, my life suddenly got a LOT busier all within the blink of an eye... but I am so thankful!  Everything on this "list" is a blessing from the Lord, because I most likely wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for this beautiful season that I am in right now -- the season of singleness!  I originally felt like quite the fool for thinking/wishing of such things!  ...but God quickly pointed out that He designed me that way -- to be a mother and wife -- and it is indeed quite normal to have such a strong desire.  But, He has placed me in this season for a reason, and it is my choice whether I use it to please myself or to serve Him.

To close, I'd like to share a little story that my dear friend, Marilyn Coleman, always reminds us girls about...  Our life is like a garden.  When God created our garden, we started out as a patch of dirt!  Until this garden can bring forth its harvest, it must be prepared, tilled, and plowed.  If one is too quick to scatter the seeds, then the garden will not bring forth its best crops.  But, if it is carefully prepared, the blessings will be bountiful!  As a young woman, I am in this season of preparation... and I pray daily that God would give me a desire to be used by Him during this beautiful season of my life!  May those who are in this same season seek to do the same, as our gracious Lord continues to make us more like Him.

"For everything there is a season..."  ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

SDG

Empty My Hands

I think I'll let this message speak for itself...

(Empty My Hands is currently the Playlist choice for this blog.)

"Empty My Hands"

By Tenth Avenue North

I've got voices in my head 

And they are so strong
And I'm getting sick of this, oh Lord, how long
Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can't set free

But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You, with You Lord

These voices speak instead, what's right is wrong
And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find you brought me back to life

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh Lord, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You

Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need Your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

So won't you empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You

SDG

God is Faithful.

I think many would agree that there is not a stronger or more deliberate theme found throughout the Bible than the truth of God's faithfulness. As I begin to reflect on 2010, how He has provided for me, I continue to find myself in awe of how faithful He has been in every area of my life.

At the beginning of this semester, I made an effort to do something which pretty much changed my life and opened my eyes to a truth that was so blatant (yet, I obviously had such a hard time seeing it!). I decided that before I took any exam or test or quiz, I would bow my head and pray, thanking God for the knowledge that He had equipped with (I was finding rest while trusting in Him!). This took away so much fear and worry... it sounds like something I should have already known and been in the practice of doing, but I wasn't. I truly cannot put into words how much this taught me!

It's something so little... You're probably thinking, "Praying.. before a test?? Why would you worry about something so silly?" School is my weakness. It can create so much stress if I let it. But, I'm learning... God has given a peace in knowing that my best is good enough for Him, and therefore it should be good enough for me.

As you can probably imagine, the biggest thing that I became aware of was how faithful God was (and IS!). He cares about the smallest things in my life, things that seem so big to me. He knows EVERYTHING about us! ..our struggles, our worries, the things make us angry.

Now, after every test/quiz (or grade, for that matter), I never fail to say to myself, "GOD IS FAITHFUL!" I'm so thankful that He knows my every need - thankful that He is "intimately acquainted with all my ways" (Psalm 119:3). Feel free to leave a comment sharing how God's faithfulness has been evident in your life. All the more reason to bring Him glory! :)

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name be the glory because of Your love and faithfulness." ~ Psalm 115:1

"Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures." ~ Psalm 119:90

SDG

Restless No More

Welcome to the new and improved blog! Special thanks to Mia who so graciously came over and spent quite a bit of time teaching this not-so-educated blogger the ropes. ...And I will be the first to admit that it is now much more attractive!

Tomorrow will be a month since my last post. And here is your promised part two. =)

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~ Psalm 73:26

I don't find it ironic that no matter where I go, whether it's Sunday School, worship service, or small group, all of the above have presented a study on REST. I mentioned in my last post that stress has been a major component of my life lately. And even though God has opened my eyes to see the purpose in running this race, I continually find myself gasping for air in the ocean of my to-do list!

What's even more amazing is that God introduced this recurring theme into my life through an incredible music artist named Audrey Assad. She has a song titled "Restless" that spoke to my heart the minute the piano began playing through the speaker. She shares how entering God's rest is the only way we can find rest. To everyone's surprise, I'm sure, I was in tears by the end of song. I had realized that I was fighting against that rest. I began to understand that we are indeed restless til we rest in HIM! God knows how vulnerable I am when it comes to music. ;)

Isn't it wonderful that He doesn't leave us to run our race without rest? We are in great need of rest! Hebrews 4:9-11 says, "There remains then a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience."

In my Pastor's sermon, he made note of a very important point. This "Sabbath-rest," described in verse 9, is not just a rest for one single day of the week. It's a characterized rest -- a rest created by God that we have in Christ. We have peace as we rest in the sacrifice that Christ made for us. Because of His suffering, we are able to celebrate rest! In addition, the latter part of the excerpt stresses the correlation between obedience and rest. God has shown me over the past few months that when we obey Him, we are not only in His Will, but also in His rest! In fact, "spiritual rest brings the character of God" into our lives.

Sleepless nights dwelling over Precal tests or Anatomy exams have slowly decreased because of resting in God and knowing that He is faithful!

I encourage you to read Hebrews Chapter 4 for a full dose of God's rest. He never promised us that our race would be easy. In fact, he promised us trials, suffering, and tribulation (..obstacles, rocky areas, and steep inclines). But He also promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us as we run our race. The beautiful reality of it all is that as we rely on God's strength, He is glorified!!

Continue to press on as your run this race, fixing your eyes on our Sovereign Lord and taking refuge in Him who gives our life purpose!

SDG

Finding Purpose in the Race

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." ~ Psalm 73:25-28

I am officially half-way done with the fall semester! (Yay!) My life has been so crazy - and let's just say that stress levels have literally made their way OFF the scale. And as most of you know, I'm not one to deal with stress very easily...

Earlier in September, my best friend and I participated in a pro-life 5K race and had been training for it prior to the event. During my frequent runs, I found that they were an extremely helpful remedy to my stress issues. My humongous list of things to do would suddenly become irrelevant, and it was a wonderful thing! It was also during my runs that I was able to have the best conversations with the Lord!

He began to lay on my heart the question of WHY I was "running my race." I then began to ponder what purpose my life currently had, and whether or not I was bearing fruit that displayed it. I quickly realized the many passions that had taken over my life - school, events, future plans that I had been "day dreaming" about. Instantaneously, I was constantly letting earthly treasure sit on the throne of my heart.

It was during my quiet time a few weeks later that I read Psalm 73. What hit me the hardest was the verse, "...and earth has nothing I desire besides you."

The world offers numerous things that look so appealing to us. But God calls us to store up our treasures in Heaven, and not on earth. We are called to run this race in such a way as to win the prize. What prize are you seeking? This race can be extremely tiring, and it would be a complete waste if we did not have our eyes fixed on the right prize -- the only prize that will not fade away. God is who we should desire! Our eyes should be fixed on Him, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.

However, it's when we get tired that our gaze tends to fall downward. My next post will be about verse 26 - finding strength during this race. There's only one person that can offer us the strength we really need, and that is Christ!

"Run in such a way as to win the prize." ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24

SDG

Dying on the Inside

Have you ever thought about how many people love you? Sounds like a pretty weird question, right? I'm not talking about love as in the "feeling" - I mean the love that IS. The love that has no condition which defines its depth.

I shared in my last post how God is continuing to break my heart for the same things that break His. And I'll be honest, it has been a completely overwhelming and burdensome experience. But lately, the faces of those I come in contact with are not just faces anymore... as soon as my eyes meet theirs, compassion overflows in the depths of my heart. How many times do we overlook those who are dying inside? - because that is exactly what takes place in the hearts of unsaved souls. We are oblivious to what is going on in their life, and at times we could care less. Is this the love that Christ showed to sinners - mockers, thieves, murderers, tax collectors, prostitutes?

For some odd reason, my mind has convinced me that I have the right to judge these people. And guess what? It's wrong. JJ Heller's new single, "What Love Really Means" brought me to tears the first time I listened to it (thankfully, no one was in the car). But the song tells 3 stories of individuals whose lives are falling apart and we're told that these people have never experienced what love really is. I've got news for ya.. you pass at least 5 people who are experiencing this same sadness and loneliness - who are dying on the inside.

When we think about the love that Christ showed us on the cross - beaten, mocked, whipped, spit on, and killed FOR US - how could we be so selfish to keep it for ourselves? WHY ARE WE NOT GIVING IT AWAY? We are called to share Christ's love with people who are dying on the inside, those are craving a love that lasts, a love that is unconditional. They're crying, "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done, or what I will become. Who will love me for me? Cause NOBODY has shown me what love really means."

SDG