Bold Whispers

I was excited. I had not worked as the dining room hostess in months. (For those of you who don't know, I have worked at Chick-fil-A for almost two years now.) The shift I had originally been scheduled for, I had traded with someone else. I was thrilled with my opportunity! - one I had been greatly missing. The day seemed normal... not too busy, keeping up with tables, refreshing beverages, clearing trays, mopping spills... as I made my rounds checking in with guests, I was pleasantly surprised as I heard a voice from the table in front of me, a high-pitched squeal of joy, "My name is Emily too!!!!" I had recognized the family --- a father with his two Chinese (I believe adopted) daughters. I'm filled with indescribable joy whenever I get to see them. Emily and Hannah are the names of these sweet faces. The lunch rush continued, and I was able to chat with the girls every so often, get their ice cream, etc. (I love my job!!)

As they made their way to the door, getting ready to leave, I was suddenly embraced around my legs by Emily as we said our goodbyes. "I get a hug today!!", I joyfully exclaimed. "And one from Hannah too!" Hannah ran as I bent down to embrace her tiny body. Waving goodbye to their dad, I was surprised by another gift... Emily suddenly grabbed my arms and pulled me down to her level. She placed her soft cheek to my ear, smiling, and whispered, "Emily, do you love Jesus?"

I could feel the tears rushing to my eyes, my throat swelling. I looked into her eyes, smiling from ear-to-ear. Among the chatter-filled dining room, it felt as if we were the only two in the room... "Yes, I love Jesus!" Instantly, she gasped, and exclaimed in exuberance, "You do??!!"

I've never seen such joy on a 7-year-old's face. She ran to her daddy and shared her joy, "Daddy, Emily loves Jesus too!!!"

I can barely share this story without crying. There is no doubt in my mind that God had planned that divine appointment with Emily. It has made this new year one like any other. How many times have I asked someone if they love Jesus? Is my response, if asked the same question, completely honest? Does my life reflect one that loves Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength? Is Christ an ever-present joy that causes me to run and tell others of this joy?

Resolutions are a wonderful thing. But this year, mine is so much more meaningful... living a life that loves Jesus, allowing my life to be one like Emily's: sharing that joy with others... making the most of every opportunity - those divine appointments - for the glory of God. I love how the most mundane circumstances are the ones that God uses to bring glory to Himself... causing the heart of Chick-fil-A dining room hostess to overflow with joy because of the bold whisper from the mouth of a child. Today, this year, I praise God for sweet whispers of Jesus' name... My heart is overwhelmed and I am inspired to be bold, grasping the arms of others in order to share Jesus with them.


SDG

Who am I to behold?

What a pleasant morning... I sit on my bed, still in my pajamas, finishing my quiet time. And then I feel the urge --- the uncontrolled, overwhelming, joy-filled urge to WRITE. I run to the dining room and grab my laptop --- the medium through which this urge is alleviated. I experience the brisk, swift movements of my fingers across the keyboard, one after another, leaping with joy. Here, in this place of serene satisfaction I behold with an unveiled face the glory of God.

I find myself in this same place as I gaze at the stars... my eyes involuntarily meet the dark, blissful sky -- one large body encircling the spectacular realm, complementing the radiant moon.
...in the embrace of mama's arms.
...seeing a Christmas tree lit in the window from the street.
...smelling the morning dew.
...sitting on the porch with the very words of God in front of my eyes.

"BEHOLD"... my eyes fill with tears as I think about such a place. Who am I to behold such glory? Who am I to look upon the glory of a God who has breathed stars into existence that I cannot even fathom with my unsophisticated mind?

BEHOLD. The Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world.
BEHOLD. The Savior of the world in a feeding trough.
BEHOLD. The man upon a cross, my sin upon His shoulders.

As I anticipate the season of Christmas, I set out on the traditional endeavor to prepare my heart for the celebration of our Savior --- to BEHOLD the glory of God. Should it be any different than other times of the year? No. But the specific beauty of God's glory is what is different. Daily, we see specific aspects, timely appointments, of beholding such beauty. In Scripture, kabod is the greek word that describes God's glory. "Heaviness." I yearn for this place. My heart grows heavy as I behold the splendor of God's glory. THE WHOLE EARTH IS FILLED WITH HIS GLORY.

Over 2000 years ago, God's glory became flesh:
The beauty of a soul in submission to God's perfect will. "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."
The beauty of a willing, servant-hearted carpenter leading a donkey from Nazareth to Bethlehem.
The beauty of a filled inn.
The beauty of the aroma of a stable.
The beauty of warm, sweating skin resting against wet, cold hay.
The beauty of an exhausted mother, tightly grasping the hand of an anxious father.
The beauty of angelic voices resounding in the fields of shepherds.
The beauty of blinded eyes beholding the glory of God filling the night sky.
The beauty of the Savior of the world, placed in a manger.

The setting is so simply, so lowly. But the glory of God filled that entire setting. Is this what we treasure? Does the splendor of the birth of our King cause our hearts to rejoice? Mary gathered ALL these things in her heart. She BEHELD the glory of God! This is the place of happiness, of rest, of comfort, of peace, of joy, of splendor. And guess what? THIS is what we were made for. We were created to give Him glory -- to reflect His glory.
Let our hearts become heavy, as we rejoice and BEHOLD the glory of God, and celebrate the incarnation of our Savior.


SDG

eucharisteo

Time is of the essence. It is a vapor that fills the air in a matter of seconds, and is gone the next. Time is a treasure that no one can seem to capture. Many pursue it, but lose sight of its key -- its purpose. We live in a sanctuary of time... and yet allow days - hours - minutes - seconds - to pass without any intention of savoring. There are many who search for ways to stop it. Others seek to fast forward -- to kill it -- in whatever way possible.

What is this key to treasuring time? How do we exercise the practice of living in the moment?
Eucharisteo: thanksgiving.
Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, received a challenge to write down one thousands things that she was thankful for...
          1. Morning shadows across the wood floors
          37. Windmills droning in day's last breeze
          119. Still warm cookies
          245. Bare toes in early light
... Ann writes that she "speaks [writes] God's graces into visibility." The more she looks for grace and writes down what she is thankful for, the more she sees God's hand in each moment.

Recognizing that each gift is part of His steadfast love and grace, is what causes us to treasure life -- to treasure time. Our life and focus is challenged to be seekers of beauty... seekers of grace. To find joy in the mundane! "Joy is the realist reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy."

I've taken this challenge to live fully - to be "happy in all these little things that God gives. Ridiculously happy..." I now have a book that is carried with me at all times, where I document God's graces in my life. This list of gifts that is being created allows me to think upon His goodness - and this pleases Him most! In my state of reflection, my soul is filled with a grateful heart, a heart of joy. There is nothing more profitable. ...and I am so undeserving of all of it.

Eucharisteo -- "And [Jesus] took the bread, gave thanks (eucharisteo), and broke it, and gave it to them." ...gave thanks. It has become my life song. "A dare to live fully." We are called to thank God in every moment - as Christ did, even to the point of death. Giving thanks in every moment allows us to dwell in joy, to eliminate a spirit of ingratitude and selfishness... to pursue a life of abandon... the life of Christ.

One more thought to chew on...
"Calm. Haste makes waste. Life is not an emergency. Life is brief and it is fleeting, but it is not an emergency. I pick up a coat and thank God for the arms that can do it. Emergencies are sudden, unexpected events - but is anything under the sun unexpected to God?... Stay calm, enter the moment, give thanks... And I can always gives because an all-powerful God has all these things - all things - always under control. I breathe deep and He preaches to me, soothing the time-frenzied soul with the grace river in whisper."

eucharisteo

SDG

Abiding in Perfect Love

"How deep the Father's love for us; how vast beyond all measure." What a peace we have in the love of our Savior. This week, I've been pondering the verses in 1 John, which describe "perfect love" - the love that casts out all fear. "...whoever abides in love abides in God, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." Casts. Out. All. Fear. A dear friend once said, "Of all sins, fear seems the most blatant, openly declaring, 'God, I don't trust you.'" How can I stand in the presence of my Savior, who loved me and gave His life for me, and yet still fear the circumstances of my life here on earth?

To abide in Him - abiding in His love - is to abide in His faithfulness... resting in the perfect love of my Savior. Treasuring is to have full confidence in His steadfast, enduring love -- allowing it to become the only thing that occupies my mind. In John Piper's Think, he presents the reader with a definition of loving God with all our mind -- referring to the commandment given in Matthew 22:37. "Loving God with all our mind means wholly engaging our thinking to do all it can to awaken and express the heartfelt fullness of treasuring God above all things."

I'm baffled by the reality that no matter how many times I fail to give God glory in every moment of my life, His faithfulness is enduring. He is faithful even when I am not. As humans, we don't like the idea of letting go. When our knuckles have gone white from holding on so tightly, God whispers, "Let it go. I want your burden." We're so uncomfortable with the idea of not having things to control. It's almost like free-falling. During the first couple seconds, we frantically look about us. But when we come to realize that our lives are in the palm of His hand, we breathe --- breathe in one huge sigh of beautiful relief. This state is the complete opposite of our default... which is why it's so discomforting at first.

But we rest in His perfect love (where there is no fear!). During my run the other night, the tears came flooding as I worried about the outcome of a physics test... I began thinking about how God was using this season of life... what I was supposed to learn during my "last stretch to the finish line" at St. John's. Memories brought me back to camp, and the discussions during lecture about "walking as Jesus did." Before we can walk as Jesus did, and "do what Jesus would do", we must first THINK as Jesus THOUGHT. ...this was key in my life at that moment, and it still is. "Thinking Christ's thoughts after Him." Christ's life had NO fear. The ultimate sacrifice for mankind desired the perfect will of His Father -- even to the point of death.

This perfect love is what causes us to be overwhelmed, and fall flat on our face before the cross. This perfect love causes an out-pour of our Father's love into the lives of others. Whom shall I fear? If God is for us, who can be against us? The things in our life that we allow fear to take over causes us to worship them. In Christ, there is no fear! ..Because His perfect love unites us with Him - our wonderful, merciful Savior. Let us allow our Savior to perfect us in that love!

SDG

the empty life.

the empty life. a life worth dying for. a theological paradox, perhaps.

lately i've realized a repetitive theme within my prayers... a desire to be broken. a desire to be brought back to that place of complete dependence on Christ. ...trying so helplessly to get to that place of brokenness --- the sense/state of being empty. why is it so difficult? why is it that the only times i've ever found complete satisfaction was when i was completely empty?

how do we get there? why is this required for the Christian life? this was my conclusion: the empty life is the fulfilled life. when we are broken, we are complete. we are satisfied and filled with Christ. the importance of being emptied is so that we can be filled with Christ, reaching the goal that He has set for us --- to become more like Him. it is in this state of surrender that we are completely, fully, relying on Him, and thus giving Him glory.

in order to reach this point of fulfillment, complete joy, we must be emptied of self. can it really be true? "an emptier, fuller life," as in the words of Ann Voskamp. this is not a state of lacking, though the word "empty" may insinuate. i find the concept difficult to grasp, even fathom. the fact that we must be empty in order to be complete, satisfied. --- a state of fulfillment. it is when we are empty -- emptied of self -- that we realize we are truly filled.

the empty life. a life worth dying for.

most of you know how much i treasure the illustration in john 12:24 --- the kernel of wheat. recently i learned the physical reasons behind this metaphor. a kernel of wheat is literally stripped of everything it once was in order to be transformed into bread. from grain -- to bread. i think many of us tend to overlook this process. here's a glimpse into the life a grain of wheat...

first, it is cut down, bundled, and hung out to dry.

it is threshed, beaten down, and trampled,
in order to break the grain away from the stalk.

next it is winnowed, or thrown in the air
to remove the chaff.

then it is shaken in a sieve
to sift out any remaining impurities.

it is ground to powder (flour) and used
to make bread.

we are commanded to be this kernel of wheat. to dye to self. the empty life is truly a life worth dying for. a life of dying to self. a life of giving up everything we've claimed as ours. we must be beaten, ripped from a life revolving around self, shaken, and sifted of impurities. but yet this life, is one that we should yearn for and desire above all things.

broken. emptied. fulfilled.

the empty life. the life of true, complete joy.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss...because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own... but that which comes through faith in Christ... that I may know Him.
                                                                                       - philippians 3:7-10

i'd love to hear thoughts on this idea i've been wrestling with... feel free to leave a comment after reading!

SDG

All I Have is Christ

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave.
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will.
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross.
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose.
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You.

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI), by Jordan Kauflin

...my theme song for the summer...
ALL I HAVE IS CHRIST. JESUS IS MY LIFE.

Stepping Out of the Wardrobe: Part 2

(scroll down for part 1!...)

"Stepping Out of the Wardrobe"

Part 2: Broken by the Lost

CAMP #6

Our next destination was Winston Salem, NC at Wake Forest University. We pulled onto campus to check in, climbed back in the vans to grab some dinner, and came back for an epic frisbee game in one of the quad fields. These are the moments we treasure together as staff! =)

Little did I know that this would be one of my most overwhelming weeks of camp. As stated in my last post, we have responsibilities as staff. I did registration as well as Evangelism Training/Debrief on "Witness Wednesdays." Encouraging the students and hearing their testimonies every week was truly an honor and blessing which taught me so much. Every week I would challenge the students during training to pray and ask God to break their hearts for the lost, realizing that the people they were going to talk to were not just faces, but faces that had "bound for hell" written across their forehead. This is the reality of where they're headed -- dying in their sin. I would continue by saying that this is something that breaks God's heart, therefore, as you desire the heart of God, pray and ask Him to break your heart for the things that break His.

It's one thing to say this every week - to get into a routine of saying the same thing and giving the same challenge. But as the students in North Carolina finished their practicum that day and boarded the bus, there were about 5 students who were in tears. I began talking to a few of them and asking what was wrong. They responded in brokenness --- they were filled with sorrow by those who had rejected the Gospel. Their hearts had truly been broken by the lost. I was so overwhelmed by seeing this challenge in action. It was difficult doing debrief with the students... I hadn't expected the experience to be so heavy on my heart. What an honor to see God working in the hearts of these students! The fact that I was able to be part of it was truly humbling. ...We serve a God Who is beyond anything we think we can do. The reality is that we are nothing without Him - He is the One working in our hearts, and out of that growing love for Him, we begin to desire the heart of God.

CAMP #7

Our last camp took anchor in Virginia Beach, VA at Regent University. I had my smallest group of the summer, consisting of 4 girls and they were all between fourteen and fifteen. The tiny size of our group allowed the girls to bond in a way that I hadn't seen all summer. They wanted to be with each other... it was beautiful seeing their desire to invest in their relationships and encourage one another throughout the week. My fondest memory with them has to be painting toenails before evangelism practicum. Nerves always tend to rise before going out, and I try to find ways to help them get their mind off worrying. Painting toenails was the perfect activity! Each of them began sharing how God was working in their heart, even before that week of camp. Again, it's moments like these where I realized the undeserved blessing of being a staffer. I'm overwhelmed by God's grace in giving me a role that I know I'm so unworthy of. But yet He uses me as His hands and feet anyway. What a humbling part to play as His instrument and vessel!

Now regardless of how much I've written at this point, unfortunately you're still in the dark about how any of it has to do with lampposts, battles, forest animals, and permanent winter snow --- the contents of a magical wardrobe! Coming home, I've quickly realized that this summer with Worldview Academy has been like stepping into Narnia. As child-like as this metaphor may sound, I caught a glimpse of eternity. Bonding with the body of Christ in such a way that each one of them felt like brothers and sisters was a beautiful thing to behold -- and experience. There were many, many tears at the airport as we all said our goodbyes. Being here at home has been difficult, and I wrestle with discontentment almost hourly (...glancing at my watch and still wondering where I should be according to the camp schedule... yea, that's bad.). Yet, I can still rest in knowing that these people are my family for eternity. What an honor it will be to worship at our King's feet in the presence of His people.

On July 22, our last camp in Virginia ended. Coming home has been an extremely difficult transition. But -- how sweet it is to know that He is always faithful! Many have asked me what my highlight of the summer was... this is absolutely impossible to articulate, because there isn't just one! This summer has not only been the best summer of my life but it has changed my life completely. Every week of camp had both its challenge and its joy -- both of which allowed me to realize how undeserving and inadequate I was for the job I had been given.

SDG