I never thought one week -- one simple (well, far from simple) week -- could paint such a perfect picture of grace. Early last Thursday morning, before starting my day, I wrote this post:
Lord, in my times of weakness and pain, You remain sovereign. In my lack of understanding, You remain sovereign. In my times of fear and doubt, You remain sovereign. In circumstances that allow me to realize I'm not in control, You remain sovereign. I praise you, Lord, for You are sovereign - and just as Your love endures forever, Your supreme power, authority, and perfect Will shall endure forever. Give me strength to listen to that gentle voice that whispers, 'Do not fear! I am the Lord!'
As I drove to my babysitting job, I received a phone call from my mom that my sister would be admitted into the hospital immediately to begin treatment for a disorder we had no idea how to pronounce. I thought the beginning of the week could have prepared me for this, but I was wrong. The night before, I sat in the laundry room crying and praying to the Lord for answers. My sister had an emergency visit, numerous blood tests, a spinal tap, and doctor visits with neurologists and ophthalmologists. We were anxiously waiting for answers and finally got what we asked for. She began her treatment for the next two days, bravely enduring the uncomfortable setting of a hospital room. I can think of no better example of someone who courageously endures pain like my sister! And, PRAISE GOD, Kelly is progressing and her treatment seems to be bringing her body back to normal.
I'd like to say that this past week was given to the Lord, that all my fears were absent because I was trusting that God would carry us through this trial. But unfortunately there were nights that I cried myself to sleep... wondering what was wrong with my sister and if she would ever be able to live a normal life again. Some may call this ironic, but I call it the sovereign work of God... my dad started a series on James just two weeks before this unexpected week. That Sunday, we read James 1:13-18. To refresh your memory, James is talking about trials and sufferings -- how we are to count them all JOY, "for this is God's will for you." James says that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness. And this steadfastness leads to making us perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Later in chapter one, James talks about temptation, and how each one of us is tempted by our own evil desire. The temptation, as part of our own sinful nature, is to become anxious - reflecting a heart that depends on self and not on Christ. This is the default. Notice in the verses James uses the word "lured," ...an attraction... an attraction of self. "Our struggles are tailor-made by our own desires." It's a natural weakness. It's an "enticement" of something seemingly attractive, but actually quite deadly. Our instinctive desire is to fix things ourselves, especially during trials. In verse five, James takes a seeming detour, and starts talking about wisdom. I think you would agree that we certainly lack wisdom in the midst of suffering, as we ask God the resounding question, "WHY?" When asking that question, we fail to give our burdens to the Lord - we fail to respond with a heart of surrender (the heart of Christ) .
So, what do trials and suffering, steadfastness, wisdom, and now this temptation all have in common? As I read these verses, I can't help but reflect on this past week. My default (my temptation; my own evil desire) is to depend on myself during trials. I try so diligently to figure out how I can fix the situation... thinking that somehow all my worries and tears will amount to a brilliance I could never imagine. As irrational as it sounds, it is my biggest temptation. And unfortunately, I give in to that temptation often. This temptation is the presence of fear, and the absence of trusting God and giving those fears to Him.
I go back to the post I wrote: God is sovereign! There is nothing that happens outside of his perfect control. I rest in that. He orchestrates our life to bring Him glory... I am so grateful that I serve a God who does not stand back and watch things happen. He uses all things to bring Him glory. For He is FAITHFUL. He reigns supreme, with glory and power, on His throne of grace.
Grace. Perhaps there is no other word that better describes the Christian life. We are so dependent upon it. I realized that this week... he so faithfully covers me with grace as I run my race. Even in the midst of my fear and many tears, he whispers, 'DO NOT FEAR! I am the Lord!' God's grace IS SUFFICIENT! We can rest in his grace!!!
My dad ended his Sunday school lesson with a quote, "Every problem is an opportunity to depend on His faithfulness." The day my mom told me Kelly was going to the hospital, she had to hang up rather quickly. I called a dear friend and spent 15 minutes listening to her sweet words as she prayed. The theme was "God is faithful!" (Who would have thought??) He IS our healer. He IS our shelter in the time of the storm. He IS the giver of grace. He IS the "lifter of my head" in times of worry and doubt. He IS always present, and promises to never leave us nor forsake us.
I run to the foot of the cross... where I fall on my knees, crying, "Lord, I surrender my fears to you. Lord, you are faithful and you are Sovereign... and I am grace-dependent -- dependent upon YOUR grace alone."
"For every good and perfect thing is from above, coming down from the Father of Heavenly lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1:16-17
SDG
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